Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Play-Off Tipples

Anything as momentous as a World Series title for the Cubs deserves both alcohol honors and a properly codified and complex rule system regarding those tipples. I submit the Play-Off Beer Laws:

0) There are 11 victories needed to clinch the Fall Classic.

1) At the conclusion of the regular season, two six packs of beer will be purchased. These six packs are to be designated the Play-Off Beers. These play-off beers are preferably locally produced in or near the city of the competing team (which should and always will be Chicago), but must necessarily be of the highest quality. The two six packs can be of the same type or different, but they must be bottles, as only bottles have the necessary level of quality necessary to propel a stinking team of farm league rejects through 11 victories against clearly superior pitching and fielding talent.

2) On game days, one bottle of play-off beer is to placed in the refrigerator for the possibility of consumption following the game. The bottle may only be consumed in the event of a victory by the team for which the play-off beer was purchased. Only the one bottle is to be consumed. One bottle of play-off beer is to be consumed the night of each victory during celebrations. Consumption of alcohol on game days is not exclusive of other beverages, but the consumption of a play-off beer is compulsory in the event of a victory.

3) As there are eleven victories required to win the NLDS, NLCS, and the World Series, and there are twelve bottles of play-off beer, the twelfth bottle must be poured onto the ground following the eleventh victory. This is yet another of the many superstitions required to propel a team of incompetent hacks through a field of much better teams to claim a trophy they have no business winning. Do not disrespect the twelfth bottle by consuming it. Much like talking about a perfect game during said game, drinking of the twelfth bottle at any point in the future will cause the team to lose all remaining games in the present. [Accidental consumption of the twelfth bottle by a third party while said bottle is being poured onto the ground is not to be considered infringement of the third law.]

4) In the unlikely event of early elimination (i.e. loss of any of the three postseason series), all remaining play-off beers--not including the twelfth bottle--are to be consumed by the owner of the play-off beer in a timely manner. The twelfth bottle must be poured onto the ground in any event.

5) Play-off beer must be consumed exclusively by one person, although the consumer need not be the purchaser. As always, drink responsibly and stay off the roads.

Note: Budweiser, Miller, nor any affiliated brewery may not be chosen as the play-off beer for any Cubs postseason appearance. Also, please note, as Inbev is now the owner of the Budweiser name, all Inbev-owned breweries are to be considered off limits for play-off beer.


Rebecka said...

M~ I don't know about lentil SOUP but for regular dal, check my blog for a link to a good dal recipe. It's healthy stuff. B

Juan said...

hey man, i'm digging your blog, and i enjoyed how well described your recipes are. To be honest, i'm no cook, and i'm not a fan of seafood, but i could almost taste the steaks jaja. Nice to know you're doing well and almost out of school. Have fun!